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| Image courtesy of www.theperfectman.me |
I had been to London approximately zero times but within a 12 month period, I went there four times. With my Performing Arts group the previous February, then in late June for the inaugural Formula E season finale, again in October for a reason I'll make clear soon then obviously this instance as well. The first trip to London was very overwhelming for me and I probably got too excited, I thank many of the people around me for putting up with me then.
For me, the first trip there was hectic and having no structure was really difficult for me, especially in a condense city and the first day, not knowing the underground's system and being as hungry as I was on the first day, not being able to look down when on the escalator to the underground, it took a toll on me. Thankfully I had everything somewhat planned 12 months afterwards, and it is a surreal experience.
The first day we were there during my second visit with my Performing Arts group, very much the same with plenty of free time before our first show, but unlike the previous year where I tagged along with some unfortunate buggers and looked around, I got some food and went back to my hotel room to watch The Martian on my portable DVD player. Yes, that is sad but I was at peace with myself, and the same can be said for that night when everyone pretty much remained awake until like 5am but I went to bed and encouraged everyone to enjoy themselves but be respectful. I'm not a teacher's pet I promise.
Moving on to that very day, me and my friend Ash are both big Kingsman fans and I had been invited to the Huntsman tailors in October, where they shot the first Kingsman movie and was only a few months from shooting the upcoming sequel. So in February, I got back in touch with my contact there and they gave us a tour, and it was so nice to be there again, the Huntsman tailors and the people there are incredible and I have to hammer home how grateful I am that they allowed my to not only attend in the first place but allowed me back.
Also later on, we went to go see The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time which I had suggested to the tutors who organised the trip, and of course many of you will know the history I have with this amazing story and having already seen it once before seeing it with my Performing Arts college group. I remember when the character of Christopher began reacting to the bright lights and needing to follow a technique, all things that I do. Same when Christopher began laying train pieces down, a lot of autistic people like myself were always lovers of trains, and this hit a chord with everyone who saw it. Except you Ash, you fell asleep! No matter lol.
At the end of the show, Christopher professes that he can do anything and everyone went "Aw", and it felt very empowering to see a character with autism like myself profess this, and not that I didn't feel this way when I saw Curious Incident for the first time but to be able to show this to my friends felt incredible. My friend Callum felt the same after seeing Kinky Boots, saying how he strongly related to the characters in the moment during a major song, because they felt like they could never live up to their father's expectations for both character's, something he struggled with personally having grown up gay and afraid that he would be letting him down. It was wonderful to see these situations played out where we both related to each one, it felt great to be able to showcase how I was to all my friends.
That night, everyone was enjoying themselves and I was talking to a friend named Amy over the phone about a lot of deeply emotional things for me, she was helping me out a lot as I was on my own and thinking about things, I'm grateful for her help, she even held my hand the previous year when I began feeling a bit unnerved on the underground escalators. One of the things that me and Amy spoke about beforehand, was how incredibly uneasy I was during our first few weeks in Performing Arts, and I told her about a friend of ours who really put me at ease and reassured me through our first duo project together, I will refrain from saying her name as we are no longer close, I have reason to believe this person purposely distanced herself from me after we all left college later that year.
Anyway, I was aware that this girl had an autistic younger brother and that she had reacted very emotionally to Curious Incident, remembering how patient she was with me when I was struggling and very unsure of myself, she helped me through it and I really wanted to show my appreciation for how she helped me overcome my apprehensions and set me on a path to becoming a better performer.
At that point, a lot of people returned to my hotel room and I heard that one of my most valued friends, Penny, is very upset as she was ditched by a couple of her friends for a reason I'll not disclose, I didn't get all the details so I may have some of them wrong. I encouraged Amy to talk to her as she had come into our room and I couldn't get to her due to the amount of people, and I wanted to get to her to see if she was okay, even though I wasn't in such a good state myself.
After finding out that she was okay, I began getting all worked up with everyone around me and I was very emotionally drained, and already deep in thought. Penny noticed this and brought me into the corridor away from the huge majority of people in my room, and I told her about a lot of the things I had been feeling that night and how I had been reacting to a lot of the situations posted to me that night, regarding that unnamed individual who had helped me when we were partners during the first few weeks of Performing Arts, I wish I could say exactly what it was but the whole situation went by so quickly.
One detail I'll never forget, when a lot of people were walking to their room, some of them got talking and I tried to hide that I had been crying, Penny picked up on my embarrassment and told the group that she would see them back at their rooms. Saved me some in the moment red cheeks and explanation, not feeling too comfortable to disclose why I felt that way to just anyone, I really value what Penny did for me there.
Penny got asking about Curious Incident itself, many of you will know my ambitions with making a Curious Incident movie and after unloading the weight of what was bothering me, to get talking about that really lifted me up and I was at peace. Before Penny left, I was ready to go to bed and I was feeling all warm and happy, Penny came in for a hug and I did, one with a lot of love and I kissed Penny on the hand to show my appreciation for her, and I remember Penny went "Aww" and kissed me lightly on the cheek, I was beaming from ear to ear. Obviously I don't read anything more into it, Penny and I are what I consider to be the utmost of friends and nothing more.
That day for me was one of the best days of my life. Going to the Huntsman tailors, showing all my friends Curious Incident and seeing it portray the way I react to situations, and then talking it all out with Penny when I felt like that night I couldn't get it off my chest without seeming like an embarrassment or overbearing weight over anyone's head. Because that was something that always plagued me, thinking I was an inconvenience, I would always say to people "Thanks for tolerating me" with no irony in there. Penny as well as Amy who I was chatting to over the phone beforehand were amazing, so I do have to thank them both.
Being able to project my feelings among an atmosphere that would be more suited to me being a drunken party animal, I didn't belong, I felt overwhelmed but thanks to the actions of these people who cared for me, it's a small task but it honestly meant the world to me.
Penny had always been someone who I saw as being able to lead an army into battle, she elicits a quality about her that just brings out the best in people, to the point where she rides this incredible line between being so great that you can't help but look up to her, but also being grounded enough to show you that you can relate and bring out such qualities in yourself. She inspires me, and I know Penny will end up being great, I hate to sound like I'm putting the weight of the world on her shoulders but I always said that I could see her becoming a famous theatre actress, but she doesn't have to end up there for the world to know just how wonderful she is.
I know this sounds like a puff piece, all this because she saw me in a fragile state and saw I needed help. In a way, I can see why it may be but as small as what the task was, I became so much more comfortable with myself and the way I thought around people, I mean I've never put myself in a situation like that again but I'll feel more comfortable in the future.
That is why February 10th 2016 was one of the best days of my life, and I remember it fondly. I want to thank Penny and the many other people who have had an everlasting effect on my development over the past few years, my Performing Arts years have been the best few of my life in terms of being around people. I still don't think I have peaked as a person and I still bear certain scars from past experiences. Thankfully not hugely terrible ones but I am intending on making my strides to becoming a better person, being more at ease with myself and meeting more incredible people.
So thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it or found my words helpful. This isn't a typical article as I don't intend on self-plugging at the end. Just needed to get this one out in words for myself and maybe even this will help someone who may be going through some mental health issues, I don't know if there's any way it can but who knows?
Until we meet again,
Luca.
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